Lately I will admit to being a bit lost in my own little gaming world. In that time I played a game I hadn’t even heard about called Hollow Knight. This game is absolutely bloody amazing! It is both simple in its execution and layered with difficulty that is brilliantly balanced. It got me to thinking of a comic to sort of commemorate coming to the Switch and this idea came to my head. Enjoy, and do let me know what you think.
Well for a moment I find myself looking at a screen and thought to myself. Dang it has been awhile since I've sat down and really thought of adding stuff to the site. I think I need to resolve to fix that. It is all a matter of finding the bits of time in a week to come up with a topic, and then pull it all together. I think I must do these sort of blog post often in my life time.
At first the genuine nature of the task excites and fuels me to stay engaged in the whole idea. For a time that is enough but eventually something snags at me. Well this time it was a lot of somethings coming together to sort of put a foot down on my routine and it sort of stops me, usually dead in my tracks. At least now thinking about it I can say I have one good thing going for me. I haven't given up, or stopped making attempts at posting about ideas. The big stop sign that causes many to just drop the whole endeavor isn't really here with me. Just delays. A lot of delays but I think delays are ok.
In a way a delay is more of a understanding that priorities just aren't on one's side. This leaves only a few constructive options available, go back and reprioritize things, but if, as in my case, lively hood is in the equation then put the side project to the side till you can get back to it. So with that said, time to get back to things. Oh and how about an Assassin's Creed Eeyore to start the whole reboot off.
I think I had way too much fun with that drawing.
So there are times when you simply have to be creative, especially when your lively hood is based on it. For me this means making fun little projects that make me take absurd concepts and turn them into a piece of work. This doesn't have to be visual, like it is above, but can cover any creative field. For me this helps because my cause of stifled creativity is often attributed to how seriously I'm invested in the process.
For me being serious isn't a bad thing but being too serious definitely is. That is the point where I start to over think the tiny details and won't take any risks. When I'm too serious I look at every detail instead of the whole project and I forget to consider the process of the work as a whole. So when I can see that this is happening I can then go and make a blog and draw some random characters based on comics and I've unhinged my brain a bit.
I'm not saying go wacky and out of control unless your at home and have tolerant family/roommates. Functioning out in the real world requires a small percentage of seriousness, but for me creativity comes from out of box thinking. It doesn't mean it has to be one or the other, but a mixture of both. Anyhow this was simply a flow of thought that I felt would go with today's image. I had a lot of fun with this one and I might be making more.
So last year I got a little bit hung up on my own goals. One of those things that happens when you get caught in a recursive argument with yourself. Basically as I wanted to have one drawing a week and I wanted to have one introspective writing, at minimum, the process began to become linked, eventually the whole thing collapsed because I also wanted everything to be of high quality.
That is what is funny, I didn't stop writing, nor did I stop drawing and exploring my personal development. All of those things continued without issue towards my performance. What did get stuck was technology, well my ability to manage multiple devices and their power needs. Basically I simply had trouble juggling power sockets and eventually didn't have the power to work on a digital sketch app. It broke the cycle, the whole rhythm was thrown off and I was left trying to gather myself up.
Sometimes I think of myself as a train with 18 cars latched on. Once I get stuck and stopped it can take some time to get back up to speed and that is if I'm lucky enough to not have some technical failure that causes my cars to pile up or derail, metaphorically speaking.
Still I need to remind myself that I don't need to have a snazzy picture with every article and that this effort of mine is also about meeting an internal deadline. So Time to get back to work, or so I hope.
As the title states, bodies are weird. I came to this conclusion after I started physical therapy and felt like a puppet or discarded toy. The therapist would go around and feel in my joints trying to find where my problem was at one point she noted how little stabilizing muscle I had. Turns out it would be easy to dislocated my shoulder which led me to think how segmented my body felt.
Like a child with a toy my arm could be popped out of it's socket with only a slight bit of effort, disquieting to say the least. It had never occurred to me that my body could be injured with such ease. I had always felt super glued in, and nothing would unhinge anything about me but when she had my shoulder in that position feeling around my joints explaining how easy it would be to just pop my shoulder out it somehow made me feel less than I once thought I was.
Now I spend everyday doing these workouts which feel ridiculously easy and yet I know that they are helping me tighten my joints back together almost like a teddy bear getting an arm sowed back on. I wonder why I now can look at my body as a child' toy?
It might relate to the ease in which the physical therapist said she could disarm me, hehe, or maybe it is the realization of how fragile we all are. I will leave this one at that, started playing around with the new adobe illustrator tool set, still need to figure some things out but for now this is what I got.
This has been an odd week, mainly because it is the first time in over 6 months where I've had some time to myself. Enjoyable to say the least but at the same time it leaves me idle and trying to rebuild a new routine to take place of the one that I had before I went off to work like crazy. It is very much like trying to get back into an old hobby. Everything feels new and old at the same time, and I find myself jumping around trying to figure what feels right.
It is simply the state of things that focus is all over the board. It is definitely not a time of stagnation though the trappings are there for life to become so. Though with all this one thing is clear, and that is the need to get on with some projects that have been left to the wayside since I got my last project. Which means working on both my book for next month and really hunkering down to get the edits done on my first book.
Before I had some good reason to let things slide, but while I will continue to do the ole job hunting fun time I can't let my well of crazy ideas sit idle while I wait. That is once again why I even blog like this every week, to produce something. It is pretty much biographical but it is something I'm doing with the thoughts in my head. We all should just let ourselves be creative more often, and I'm glad I've found one of many outlets to do just that.
Alas the week has been so odd it got delayed a bit. Time to get this one uploaded, even without an image. A little bit of catching up to do with post and then see where things go. Really what I learned is that you shouldn't hold a document back hoping for some inspiration. Just go back and edit it later when the idea comes to mind.
So Yesterday I had a visit to the eye doctor, and for the first time in my life I had my eyes dilated. It was to say the least a very interesting experience which gave me just a taste of what the world would seem like for a vampire. That was the thought that went through my mind when I went outside and had to keep flimsy hospital shades secure so the world around me wouldn't blind me. The blazing yellow light in the sky had turned its setting up to 100 and everything just bleached out to nearly unsaturated colors.
It was dreadful experience where the daylight felt dangerous considering how close it is getting to Halloween as well as recent movie watching got me thinking got me thinking about vampires. Looking outside far away from the source was tolerable, but not comfortable. I ended up wearing shades the entire day since the area was well lit by sunlight. All I really needed was a coffin and some nice Gothic gear and I would have looked the part.
All in all I think it was fascinating to experience the environment in an uncomfortable setting. What everyone else felt was wonderful sunny weather on a fall day to me was a hostile. It created a distance from me and the society I was in. To end I think I want to try and just write it down in a sense maybe like a vampire newly coming into his power.
The world was bleached out, white and dead. People around me walked and laughed as if nothing every happened but to me they were all bleached bone next to the inferno of light that was the sun.
That is what it felt like, anyhow ranting off.
Recently I started looking back in the job market beyond to work on my creative process. This way I can improve my creative performance because all an interview really boils down to is a critique on your abilities. It may not be as thorough as an academic critique since you don't always get responses back but in the end you will always find yourself getting honest feedback in the response of getting a job or not.
For a second I was going to brake down a job application preparation from a view point of exhibit presentation but really those differences are more to do with setting, the process can be similar. In both cases you have to have a way to present your work, and your self. Both of these activities take thought, and time to prepare for. Sure you don't need a suit to open an art exhibit but it won't be successful if you don't have a look. So basically what I'm saying is I got suits ready for a presentation.
That was an important part of the whole preparation and one that I think will be a one off. I shouldn't need to go through this process again, any time soon anyhow. What I do need to work on is making a better go at preparing my portfolio. That was my weakest link this last run. Somehow the end result which I thought was fairly good, showing what I've done for my present job, and my contract/part-time jobs would work out well, but I think I should have just stepped away from being diverse and bring my best stuff, even if I had already sent it with my digital samples.
So I'm going to get up to speed, that is the plan and I'm sticking to it, yet I'm going to admit that it feels daunting. For one I've got a set of goals that I feel should be easy to achieve.
- Write an article at least once a week.
- Produce an illustration once a week.
Easy, a good start and one I think I should be able to do, the illustration and article can go together which helps knock out two birds with one stone. The art side of things hasn't been too difficult but the article writing has been an interesting challenge. I feel opinionated today and do I really want to be going off about my opinions on things?
An artist opinion is certainly a important part of their personality but it can also alienate them from some audiences. There was this one writer on Twitter the other day that had a very strong political opinion and it caused me to tilt my head, he was just so open about a hotly debated topic that my gut reaction was to respond. I didn't mainly because I felt in the end that wasn't what the writer was asking. He was stating his opinion, there wasn't any point to arguing it with him. Now his audience may respect and flock to him because they share the same values but that got me thinking, who do I want to target my articles to?
No... that isn't the right question, more it should be who will be attracted to my opinion? We're not talking about the trolls in the world, but the people who are left afterward. If I find myself ranting about people who annoy me, would I then find myself surrounded by people who are annoyed with the world? I'm not annoyed with the world, but earlier today one of the drafts I was working on was about someone who I felt was unprofessional, just a very bad people person. I didn't publish the peace because I felt it portrayed me as a bad people person.
I don't want to be be that, I like people and so I pushed away from the article and actually up and deleted it. Instead I tried to write an opinion peace on what I thought about something with a cultural perspective, and it felt judgmental... ok I am judgmental but I tend to keep it to myself. I'm not aiming to be a personality that throws out slurs down-casting others who I disagree with, everyone is entitled to their opinion.
Really in the end this just ends up being a rant about the thoughts that can cloud me from doing what I plan on doing. Thinking through things to a ridiculous degree and getting nowhere fast. Thankfully I have a process to overcome all this, and that is to just say, "Who cares?" Then I can move on and hit publish and realize, that is how you get things done. You do it and learn from what happens. You can sulk and hide yourself in a corner but that isn't going to get you anywhere. So with that, I will once again, hit publish.
Often times artist, those creative types, can get hung up trying to get ideas flowing. That has to stop, for me at least. One thing I'm going to stop doing is letting things sit on my theoretical easel when it comes to some creative ideas. I'm a busy guy and I shouldn't feel that ideas that are unfinished need to be locked up.
I'm doing this process mainly when it comes to visual media, but I intend to carry this over to written material when I finally have put some energy into writing some short stories. Basically this is for short works, breather projects. What gets to me is how my ideas of perfection tend to keep me from showing my work, flawed as it is.
It is frustrating to dabble in ideas but never produce anything worth showing. I do a ton of work that makes it to fruition yet for some reasons all these little side projects start to grate at me and the side effect causes me to do less. So to get myself moving I'm going to show unfinished ideas, flawed ones and hopefully I will also show the good, the nice updated stuff that is finished.
Maybe this can help me look at the ideas I throw out and see what could be useful, maybe even get feedback at some point. I just am tired of having this box of ideas locked away and never doing anything with them. Good, bad, and mediocre should all get some time to see the light.
With that in mind, the above piece was going to be my first blog post but when I realized I had a free domain with my account on Squarespace I decided to move my blog over. All of a sudden this idea that started out as an illustrated idea of dusting off an unused space became moot point. I was going to just put it on the side and let it collect dust since I could now use this site as I planned to use my blogspot, then it hit me. I was going to let a illustration about dusting off and getting back to work sit there.
I didn't have the time for it, and the will to continue on it was taking a lot of effort, fighting for the time I really didn't have to spend on it. Yet instead of letting a illustration about beginning collect and gather dust, I figured I would at least give it a half-life and in that process maybe let it fulfill its function. Let it show me an example of what I'm worried about and finally give an unfinished job a positive purpose.
So recently I read about JK Rowling's revelation that she felt sorry for her choice to put Hermione Granger with Ron Weasley because it was a wish she had, now she seems to feel that it would have made more sense if Harry and Hermione had hooked up. I'm really paraphrasing here but the gist of the article is there. For me this is disappointing and I want anyone to slap this article in my face if I ever "wish" to retcon a book series I've written decades from now.
The real problem I have here is not that she said she was sorry but that she said she was sorry because it was the outcome she wanted at the time. We're people who tend to change over time, it is a part of life and I know she isn't going to change it but I don't get what is wrong with the choice. Now the article is likely somewhat sensationalized by the media but it is still laying out the claim that she made a mistake. I think it is odd for an author to feel they made a mistake that isn't typo related or character breaking. She made a choice, it could be good, bad, or neither. For me it is something that you make the choice you can when you have the option to make it. If you feel that you should have done differently, sure I can you can say that "objectively" it might have been better if these two were together, but to say something like "I'm sorry" admits to a wrong doing in my mind.
See to me the writing process isn't full of wrong or rights but choices that the author is in charge of governing. As how appropriate those choices are is debatable but if you have a goal that two people are suppose to get together and later on you feel that it was a bad choice then I'm at a loss for words. The goal of the outline was for them to get together, they grew in the writer's mind for this very purpose and for the writer to say that it was their wish for the story to end up the way it did then I would say they should feel happy about that choice. If she had Hermione and Ron get together because of her editor's demands that would have been a bad choice because she wasn't taking control of her characters, she was letting outside influences making major demands on her work. Then again in defense of editors they give such pieces of advice because they may see a problem with the story outline, in the end it relies on the author to make the choice that feels appropriate to them.
In the end I only hope that I can accept that the choices I make now are fine because I feel they are fine now. I don't want to be the person who feels the need to change an entire relationship dynamic or make "Han didn't shoot first." It destroys a trust I think a reader and an author share.
Hmmm so where does one start when discussing their thoughts and ideas in a blogspace these days. Well first I could go ahead and introduce the "whys" that lead me to make this little part of the web my own. I guess that would be the most productive use of my time here. That and if you are reading this it means you probably would like to know as much as I would.
Well thing is that as an "aspiring" writer a lot of my time is spent writing about characters that I create and building a world around them and since I write in a very gun'ho manner that doesn't leave room to look back and observe much of what I'm doing there isn't much room for introspection, contemplating or musing as this article so aptly puts it. Instead I tend to talk my ears off to my friends about my writing and often at great lengths beyond the patience that most people have. So why not just make a space where I can hear my own thoughts out and post them down so in a couple of years the 3 people who would have read my book can come right here and realize who wrote the book they found fascinating.
For you three, I apologize, I'm a rambling buffoon most of the time. I'm being serious too, I have been one who can get lost in my own arguments throughout the day leading me to think it is some very astounding miracle that I ever found the time to be productive enough to write even this little article. Still I guess you did find this and had the heart to make it to the first post and for that I thank you.
Would an ending like that satisfy people? I wonder... for me it feels a bit short and unfulfilling but I shouldn't judge what others find interesting right? Nah still I was hoping to talk about the very concept of musing, it is something that I have stated to have spent a good deal of my life doing much like others who enjoy reading, writing, and creating in general do. Hell I think it can be a productive use of time only that it doesn't provide immediate results. Musing is one of those words with a very clear root, you know the one, the muse. Musing is interesting because as a word we have control of it but a Muse is an external resource and one that creative individuals can't access at a wimp. No instead they spend there time pleading and working out ways to get in tuned with their muse so that the creative process will flow through them. Yet musing is a very internal process that involves contemplating and working through one's own thoughts without the need of an outside resource.
Both are actually very apt terms, a muse in modern times can talk about the ways we prepare ourselves for constructive musing. The perfect coffee shop, or the cup of tea in the quiet part of the house. Being creative isn't as easy as musing about different concepts or ideas, instead we actively look for ways to get ourselves in the zone so that we can muse over what really is necessary for the task at hand, in this case my book. It is always about finding that comfortable space and building the habits needed to channel the energy to whatever the creative goal may be. It all comes together, even if your Muse is a goddess you still have a ritual to get everything setup, but if it has goat sacrifices I will simple shake my head at you. That muse is nothing but bad.